I don't want to close my eyes
![i don i don](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYjFmYTA2ZjYtYTU3YS00OTEyLTg0YjEtNzdhOWRiOGQ1OWU0XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjkyODM2NjA@._V1_QL75_UY281_CR155,0,190,281_.jpg)
At a certain point, it became an issue of pride and refusing to be overcome by the rules set forth before me. I realized I could go a lot longer without blinking than I thought, only to reflexively blink and move past memories of my character’s childhood without the game giving it a second thought. That meant reliving all the important moments of a life once lived, with the catch being that, if I blinked, they would disappear right…well, before my eyes.Īt first, Before Your Eyes lulled me into a sense of security as its webcam-utilizing blinking-based progression seemed a gimmick to be overcome. The narrative adventure game sat me in a boat with a ferryman tasked with guiding souls to the afterlife. I'm so grateful to have the privilege to have an amazing therapist & the privilege to be able to afford her.Nearly every moment I spent in GoodbyeWorld Games’ Before Your Eyes was an act of resistance.
![i don i don](https://lyric.tkaraoke.com/48322/i_dont_want_to_miss_a_thing.gif)
All of this to help me reach my goals because, up until now, I knew what I wanted to do but I didn't have a solid plan. She even made sure I made an appointment with a nutritionist she's been trying to get me to see since February. So much so that she made me (highly recommended & gave incentive) to buy a scale to hold myself accountable & get over my anxiety about weighing myself. After telling all this to my therapist at our last session, she encouraged me to keep going. I can sit here & cry & give up or I can just move forward.
![i don i don](https://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-you-can-close-your-eyes-to-the-things-you-don-t-want-to-see-but-you-can-t-close-your-johnny-depp-49-12-99.jpg)
There was nothing I could do but keep going forward. I felt this way for the next couple of days until I had to come to terms with it. I hated myself for feeling like I gave up earlier in the year. I was saying the most fucked up things to myself. I knew I'd have to start some things over again but not everything! I was so mad at myself. The appointment was during work & I remember sitting in the conference room crying my eyes out, trying so hard not to let anyone hear me. The 6 monthly visits, all the clearances, as well as losing another 100 lbs. Bye Universe! ?ĭuring my televisit with potentially my new surgeon, he gave me the disappointing news that I would have to start the process all over again. Ironically, Love Hurts by Nazareth has been playing while writing this. Having feelings for men is so ghetto, I would not recommend. NOT ME! I'm still sitting here with rose colored glasses, hoping one day he will wake up. But this is where my lack of experience comes in because other people would know this situation was not it. I just had the unfortunate luck of falling for someone who was impossible to be with from the start. I understand that this has nothing to do with me. I know I deserve so much better, truly I do. I can't help but feel if I was smaller, it would be easier for him. I can't help but think of all the little forms of intimacy between us happened when he was drunk. He has to be drunk in order to be with Patrick & although it hurts Patrick, he's still with him because he loves him.
#I DON'T WANT TO CLOSE MY EYES MOVIE#
In the movie Perks of Being A Wallflower, there's this scene where Patrick is seeing Brad in secret because Brad doesn't want anyone knowing he's gay. I deserve someone who will like me everyday instead of just when they're drunk. There are really tears coming out of my eyes because it makes me so angry that I've allowed myself to get to this point.